


Dragon

by killingjoke89



Category: Markiplier RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grieving, Happy(ish) ending, I'm really sorry, Implied Sexual Content, Major Illness, all the feels, possible triggers, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-07 06:09:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7703515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killingjoke89/pseuds/killingjoke89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A letter brings terrible news. What will you and Mark do with the small amount of time that you have left?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 6 months: Taken Time

**Author's Note:**

> This is something really different to what I would normally write. As always comments are always welcome. I would say enjoy but...

The smell of baking permeated through the house. She had been cooking cheese cake and muffins for when Mark got home. He had a number of errands to run today. He was always so busy, not that she minded. They both had their own lives to deal with, and as long as they could always come home to each other, they were happy.  
She worried from time to time that he was going to hard. He would get days, especially recently, where he would be asleep before he hit the pillow, or walk around like a zombie because of exhaustion. He had also had a bit of lingering cold for a while now, and he kept coughing, which irritated him as it effected his voice. But he assured her that he was on top of it, and that despite how tired his life made him some times, he was happy, and would not have it any other way.  
She had just finished making ganache, when she heard the door creak open. She quickly coated the top of a passionfruit muffin, before running it out to Mark for a nice welcome home.  
“Hey sweetie, I made a thing for you!” She bubbled as she skipped into the lobby area. Mark did not look up. He did not talk. He did not react to her in any way. He stared blankly ahead and walked towards the couch, flopping down on it like a rag doll. She waited for a response. Some witty comment or sudden shriek of ‘psyche!’. But it never came. She tip toed over to him and put the cake down on the coffee table.  
“Baby? Mark? Mark you’re scaring me.” The last four words seemed to reach him. He lifted his gaze to hers and held out a previously unseen envelope. She took it gingerly from him, trying to read something from his eyes, but they seemed devoid of everything. If this was some kind of joke, his poker face was a-plus at the moment. She was expecting to open it to find some wonderful news and he was faking her out.  
The first thing she noticed was the logo at the top of the paper, which was from their local medical centre. She read through the letter, some of the jargon going right over her head. However a few words popped out.  
Biopsy  
Malignant  
Sympathy  
Cancerous  
Time stood still. Her heart felt like it had stopped. She couldn’t even breathe. The paper in her hands was shaking. She could feel tears prickling in her eyes. She took a deep calming breath and then looked up to Mark. He was staring at her like he had never seen her before. She didn’t even know what to say. There were so many questions, but she could not seem to put her voice to them. Some of them she did not want to know the answer to.  
“I know you. I know what you are thinking.” His voice sounded rough, like he was talking through broken glass. “You want to know everything but you are too scared to ask” He was right. She still couldn’t find her voice, so she just nodded.  
“Lung, but it’s metastasised to other areas. It’s terminal. There is a few things they can do or try, even if it’s just to ease the symptoms. They reckon…they said about 6 months” His voice faltered on the last sentence.  
The pit of her stomach dropped. She had to pull herself upright and run to the nearest toilet. As she retched into the toilet, the acrid burn of bile mixed with some of the cake batter she had been eating while baking only served to make her puke more. She felt panic rise in her. There had to be something, anything they could do. They had to save him. He couldn’t die. Not him. Not Mark. He did not deserve this. The future they were building was to bright to be snatched out from under them now.  
She heard him come into the bathroom behind her. It took a minute to compose herself after vomiting. She flushed the chain to elevate the smell and then went to the sink to rinse her mouth out. When she turned to him he was hovering at the door. Now that she really looked at him, he looked sick, slightly ashen in skin tone and limp in posture. Or maybe it was just the defeat he felt. She still could not find her words, so she just hugged him, tighter that she had ever herd anyone. She didn’t even care if she was hurting him at this point. If she held on tight enough then nothing could take him from her. She was sobbing now. He was too. Her legs buckled first and he gently lowered her down until they were sat on the bathroom floor, crying onto each other. She took the time to notice everything about this embrace. The way he smelt, the movement of his muscles against her, the texture of his hair pressed up against her face. She wanted to record every second of him. ‘For when he is gone’ she thought. Her mind automatically rejected this thought so hard it made her shake. There was a new feeling building inside her. Something between denial and rage. She clawed at him tighter.  
When they pulled apart she had stopped crying. She was not sad anymore because she would not let this happen. Nothing was going to take him away from her. He was still sniffing and trying to choke back his tears.  
“It’s going to be alright. I promise it is going to be alright. They said that there were something that they could try, right? I mean there are new treatments everyday. We will find something, anything. It isn’t going to end like this!” She could hear the anger in her voice as she spoke. Of course she wan’t angry at him. She never could be, even normally. Whenever he had done something in the past to get her riled up, she would go to confront him, and if she was overreacting, he diffused the situation wonderfully with his boyish charm and silliness. If it was something serious though he was always so clam and reasonable, even if he was angry too, he would maybe shout once to clear it out of his system and then they would work through it.  
This time his reaction to her anger was scaring her. It was submission. He was completely docile. Mark was in shock. She couldn’t blame him though. She got to her feet, pulling him up with her.  
They walked to the kitchen, where she had been less than an hour ago baking. She wondered, deep within her mind, if that afternoon of cooking was the last time she was ever going to be happy. No. No she would be happy again because this was not going to happen.  
She could smell some of the cakes in the oven, so she quickly got them out before she burnt the house down. They were a little crispier than she would have liked but not totalled. She started pottering, trying to sort out the mess that was their kitchen. He watched her in silence. This silence was awful. It was never quiet in this house. He sat opposite her on the counter.  
“What are you thinking?” He asked gently.  
“Honestly, I have no idea. When did you even have a biopsy?”  
“Couple of weeks ago. Doctor said it was just caution where that cough hadn’t cleared up. I… I don’t tell you because I don’t want you to worry. I thought it was going to be nothing. I never even dreamed… I wasn’t even planning to go to the clinic today, they called me while I was at the gym and asked me to come in as soon as I could. I cut my workout short, and yeah… this.”  
“Ok. Well like I said, there is still a lot we can do hun, it will be fine. You are strong, you can fight this. Just don’t give up on me, ok?”  
“Ok.” He said picking up a muffin. “What are these?”  
“Strawberry and passion fruit. I need to ice them though” She said slapping him playfully on his hand and taking the muffin to ice it. She was trying to be normal. Playful. Life had to continue regardless of this. Whatever the outcome, the next few months were going to be tough, on both of them. The best thing that they could hope for is that they could have a sense of normality, a safe place to come back to. A shelter from the the coming storm.


	2. 5 months: The Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The news hasn't quite sunk in yet. How does the race against time fair?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double upload today, because I powered through these first 2 chapters. Again comments are always welcome

True to her words she had not accepted Marks death sentence as something etched in stone. She had pent countless nights on the phone, computer, or even out at medical conferences, searching fro the miracle cure that had to exist some where. This was the 21st century, and everyone kept talking about how new breakthroughs in cancer treatment were happening all the time. So where was theirs? Where was the procedure, or drug that was going to save Mark?   
Mark had been along for some of her searching. He didn’t want to die, that was obvious, but for some reason he wasn’t as frantic as she was. She noticed this, but never said anything to him about it. It was his life after all, and only he could know why he was acting the way he was. But to her that was just the point, this was HIS LIFE that they were fighting for, so why was he not fighting as hard as she was? Would he fight harder if this was the other way round. She shuddered. The thought of her dying did not scare her as much as the thought of what state Mark would be in if their situations were reversed. She would hate for Mark to be where she was right now.   
Mark kept up with youtube, but had quit going to the gym. The medication he was on now was making him tired, and he made the decision that his limited energy should go into youtube, it was what he loved, the main thing he cared about, and what had given his life purpose. He had not made his issue public yet. He wanted to, because he wanted to be honest. He just hadn’t known how to. They had a long discussion about it. He was going to make a blog about it, but not just yet. The pain it would cause his fans hurt him equally as much as the pain he was causing her. So for now at least, youtube looked normal.  
He hadn’t got round to telling his friends yet either. His mother and brother had been told immediately, and both reactions from them had pulled something uncomfortable inside both her and Mark. But there were people who were almost as close as family that still didn’t know. This had to be rectified, and in true Mark fashion he wanted to do it quickly, and honestly. She had sat with him through every Skype call and it had taken nearly a full day.  
Mark sent a message to Bob, Wade and Jack, asking for a Skype meet up. The messages back were pretty quick. Mark had the call ready to go, but his fingers were hoovering over the mouse button. She looked at his eyes. He did not want to do this, as much as he knew he should. She could see the sadness in him and she felt her own tears begin to bubble, until she fought them back down into the pit of her stomach. She had gotten remarkably good at that.   
“It’s ok baby.” she soothed “ I know this is tough, but I am here for you. These are your friends, you don’t have to pretend to be strong for them. They know you probably better than I do. They would want to know.” In the background the computer made a soft ping.  
BOOPERDOOPER: Mark you there we gonna party or what? :)  
LORDMINON777: Are we gaming today? I thought we were gonna do this Saturday?   
Mark stared blankly at the screen. He looked back and her and nodded.  
“Yeah. Yeah you’re right. You generally are right” He smiled and kissed the top of her head. It was a genuine smile, and that made her heart jump. There were to few genuine smiles at the moment.   
Mark clicked the mouse and three smiling faces popped on the screen. She watched all of them. Jack was the first one to react. She saw his smile drop almost instantly. He knew something was up. Bob was not far behind and Wade stopped as soon as he heard the silence that had fell over the call.   
“Hi guys” Mark started, voice deep and serious sounding.   
“Hey” she added from the position she had moved to, standing behind him. They all sat silently waiting for him to talk. Wade was shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Jack looked like a statue and Bob had his chin rested on his clasped hands ready to take in what had to be said.  
“So uh… well… I suppose there is no point in dragging this out. Obviously we’re not gaming today. I needed to talk to you guys, and I have been putting this one off for a while. I don’t know how to tell you guys this. I…I don’t know what to say…” His breath caught in his chest, and he looked back to her for support. She could see his eyes shinning. She put her hand on his shoulder, and he brought his hand up to it and gripped on tight. “Guys… I’m dying. I have terminal cancer. I’ve been given about 5 months.” No matter how much she heard it, it still didn’t seem real when it was said out loud. She felt like she was listening to the following conversation through water. Bob was the first to react, he was asking a lot of questions, trying to find his feet in this obviously. Bob was very private and would more that likely get upset later after the call had ended. She was glad that he would have Mandy with him. Wade was very openly crying, stuttering half finished apologies and condolences and offering any and all help and support. Jack was silent. She looked at Jack’s video feed. He was sat still, mouth open slightly. He was so pale, and she could see his breathing was shallow. He was feeling the same way she did. She could see her reactions in him. There were silent tears pouring down his face. She would not be surprised if he threw up too later.   
They talked for a while, tried to joke a little here and there too. Mark was coughing from time to time, but then again he did that a lot now. She pitched in here and there, but mainly let the guys have some time together. Jack only spoke when he was directly asked something. She made a mental note to talk to him privately later while Mark was recording or editing. It was eventually decided that they were all coming to L.A to be with him. He had argued against this quite vehemently, and it was at this point he started to cry, saying that they didn’t need to be there, that he didn't want them to watch him suffer because he had been there himself. This is the only point that Jack spoke up  
“Mark for fucks sake don’t argue with us. We all want to be there with you. To…to say our goodbyes. You can’t deny us that.” She heard the anger in his voice. Yeah he was feeling like she was. It was at this point that Mark had conceded, obviously slightly taken aback. They decided that they would get things prepped as soon as they could and aim to come over in a little over a month. She was glad they were all going to be here. It meant that she had more people to help support Mark, and her.   
The conversation eventually ended, with well wishes and some less forced more natural sounding jokes. The first one to leave was Jack, and while his goodbye was genuine and caring, it was short, he was obviously desperate to go. Once all the chat window were closed Mark turned his chair and faced her. His face was tear tracked and he looked like he had ran a marathon. She helped him up from his chair, and they went to lay on the bed in the next room. He let out a huff as he hit the bed, she remained standing on the other side, not quite ready to settle yet.  
“That was hard. It’s still hard to say it out loud. It makes it real.” He said, voice still shaking. “They seemed to take it ok, well they best they could. Jack though…” He trailed off.  
“Jack is reacting the same way I reacted. I can see it in his eyes, I can hear the anger in his voice.”  
“You’re angry?” She froze. She hadn’t really spoke to Mark about how she felt yet. She didn’t want to upset him. She looked at him, giving him a pleasing look as she did not want to try and explain what she was feeling right now, especially after then tough conversation he had just had. But apparently Mark was insistent.  
“What do you mean angry? You think I want this? You think I did this to myself some how? I’m trying ok, but there is nothing that can be done, and you know what if I’m honest I’m getting really sick of running around with you looking for a fucking miracle. It’s not going to fucking happen!” He roared standing off the bed and making his way to her. He grabbed he by the shoulders and forced her to look at him.  
“Look at me! I am dying ok? There is nothing that you can do, there is nothing I can do and there nothing that the doctors can do. I have cancer, it has spread, it is too late to operate, treat or do anything. I am going to get sick, really sick and then I am going to die. I don’t want to die! I’m fucking terrified ok? There are so many people I am going to leave behind, and thats the thought that really makes me sick, the pain I am causing others. I can deal with whats going to happen to me. I would gladly bear all of it.” His voice cracked at this point and he had to stop, look down and compose himself for a second. When his eyes returned to hers they were red and full of tears. “But what tears me up is knowing there are people who this is going to destroy. People like you, mom, Tom, Bob, Wade, Jack, and as much as I hate saying this cause it sounds arrogant as all fuck, thousands of fans. That is what is fucking killing me more than the cancer right now. Do you honestly think that I would want any one of you to feel like that? If there was any sort of possibility that… that I could be ok? That I could avoid the pain I am about to cause, do you not think I would jump at it?” It was her turn to shout now, pushing herself away from him, rage boiling over after over a month of simmering under the skin.  
“Oh yeah? You say that you would, but you haven't even tried. You have barley even looked at anything, and I have to nearly beg you to come to any clinics with me! You have rolled over and given up! I’m desperately fighting for you, and you can barely lift a finger! So yeah, yeah I am angry, because we had a life together, we had dreams, a future and it’s all been taken away and it’s not fucking fair! It’s not fucking fair! It’s not…” Her knees gave way and she dropped to the floor. She couldn’t breathe. She was sobbing but she was still trying to catch her breath so she could continue shouting. All the anger needed to leave her body, it had been in there so long now.   
“I can’t accept it. I won’t. I won’t because I can’t loose you. This is the most horrible and fucked up selfish thing I could ever say, but if for nothing else, no one else, try and fight for me at least!” This was then end of her strength. She had kept it together this far, but she was crumbling. She had pushed the idea that Mark was going to die out of her head, but now there it was, a creeping realisation, a final acceptance that this was actually happening, and that there was nothing she could do. No matter how much she fought it or kicked and screamed, there was no amount of holding on or hoping that could keep him here and she felt like she was in the middle of a hurricane, as the world around her twisted and crumbled out of her control. She wasn’t aware of when she had laid down and curled up, it had just been an unconscious action, as if trying to protect herself. She was shaking, sobbing uncontrollably and making a noise like a wounded animal. She thought some where in the back of her mind that she must look like such a mess right now.   
Gentle arms cradled her and encouraged her to sit up. Mark pulled her up to meet his eyes. His look was haunted.   
“Look at us. We shouldn’t be fighting. Not now. I love you, and I want to enjoy every second I have with you, because I don’t have many left. I’ve never been worried about dying, but I didn’t imagine it would be this early. Either way neither of us were ever going to live forever, this was always going to come one way or another. What is important now is what we can do with what we have. But you have to give up the search baby, because you are looking for a miracle that might never come. My doctor is on it, you know that. But I'm not expecting much. Don’t keep hoping for a miracle, because all that will do is add to your worries. Lets just get as much enjoyment as we can out of what we have left. You need to accept that this is happening, because from there we can move on. I need you baby, call it my last wish, to be happy with you until the day I die, which is all I ever wanted anyway.”   
The whole time he had been talking she was still sobbing. But she was taking it all in. There had always been something about Mark, maybe it was his deep relaxing voice, his calming speech pattern or his magnetic eyes, that made him very difficult to ignore. He gave her a few minutes silence after he had finished speaking. She was starting to pull a level of control back. Mark started coughing a little and it made her shudder. That cough she heard so much now. He tried to clear his throat seeing the horror in her eyes, unhidden now that she had finally dropped her walls and let this whole situation finally crash over her.  
“I’m just…I just…I’m sorry…I couldn’t…I…” She couldn't even form a full sentence anymore. There was so much she wanted to say to him, and not enough time to say it. She would never have enough time with him. But that was true if he was going to die in 6 years, let alone 6 months. Even if they were to both live until they were 100 there would still never be enough time. He was right. They had to make the best of what was given to them.   
She wasn’t at a place of full acceptance yet. She doubted that she would be until long after he had passed. But the unescapable fact of death was now realer to her than it had been. She had fought against it so hard but now, finally it weighed down on her. It was strange to feel. Part of her felt like it was going to crush her under the weight of it, but another part felt like this tentative acceptance had freed her in some way.  
He sat quietly in front of her, stroking her face and holding her arm to support her. She gazed at him, feeling a little light headed. There was that look in his eyes again. She finally understood it now. He wasn’t looking at her for the first time, but the last. Taking her in as it maybe the last time. She realised how his eyes, while seeming impossibly dark brown, had little flecks of lighter brown in them. The way the front of his hair curled over his face when it was pushed forward. The slight marks on his skin where he had acne as a teenager. The creases of his forehead. How his lips moved. His lips. His kisses. Oh god she was going to miss those.   
She lurched forward to kiss him. It was full of fire and every thought and feeling that she had not been able to say. He was obviously surprised at first, but quickly melted into the kiss. His hands were all over her at once, trying to catalogue every inch of her skin.   
“Lets go to bed” He said breaking away from the kiss, a light of mischief finally reigniting in his eyes.

She awoke with a start. It was dark. She checked her phone. It was 4am. She felt heavy, and her body was a little achey. They had made love for over an hour earlier. For a man that was dying, he was certainly enthusiastic. She smiled at him, as he slept in the bed next to her. He looked peaceful, mouth slightly agape, and hair tussled. She slipped off the bed and into a long t-shirt and some lady shorts. She crept quietly across the room, grabbing her laptop from the desk as she went. She had meant to do this earlier, but had been. well distracted.

The video feed popped to life on the screen. Jack looked 10 years older. Grief had aged him.   
“Hey Jack. I wanted to call you after…earlier. I can see that you are taking this about as well as I have. I just wanted to let you know that I’m here I guess. If you need me. I know how close you and Mark are.”  
“Yeah…uh…thanks. I just… I can’t take it The thought of Mark not being here anymore…I can’t.” His eyes shone with tears. They were already red and puffy. He had obviously been crying a lot in the intervening hours. “ I just don’t understand how you are so fucking calm.”  
“Short answer I'm not. When he first told me I threw up. I refused to even accept that there was nothing that I could do to help him, that he was going to die regardless. I have been in touch with nearly every cancer specialist and study on the western sea board.” Her voice trembled as she spoke. “I could not accept it. Even when he was talking to you guys earlier I couldn’t accept it. But after you guys finished talking, me and Mark talked, probably the first proper talk we have actually had, and well… I can't say I feel any better really, but I’m not going to start grieving him now. I…we have years for that. I’m going to enjoy what time I have. I don’t have much, and not all of it is going to be good. So I’m going to make the most of what I have each day.” Jack didn’t answer. He was looking down at his hands. She could feel the sadness emanating from him, even from the other side of the screen. He was going to need time.   
“I guess I can understand that. It just doesn’t seem…”  
“Fair.” She finished. He nodded in agreement. He was just about to say something else when she heard horrible choking coughs coming from the bedroom. Through the coughs and gurgling she could hear Mark calling her name. Fear bubbled up in her. Not yet. She had been given 5 months. He couldn't go yet. She turned back to the laptop, managing to call out something akin to got to go as she slammed the laptop shut and ran through the house. It was still dark so she was bumping into furniture and all sorts as she ran through.   
She burst through the bedroom door to find Mark on the floor, clutching his chest and struggling to breath, coughing and spluttering. She was at his side in an instant, knelt next to him. She turned him over so he was facing the floor, while helping him to elevate his head and torso. He had one hand on her and one on the floor to support himself. He continued to cough and pull in some air. In the struggle she realised that the floor under him had dark patches on it. She didn’t need to turn the light on to know what it was. In fact she was beginning to smell it, coppery and warm. Was this it? Was he dying now here in her arms. She was screaming his name, but it sounded like it was coming from some one else’s body, somewhere far away. His grip on her began to loosen, and for a moment she thought that was it, and her heart stopped. He slowly began to get his breath back, coughing less, and calming down.   
He looked up at her finally, after gaining a little more air.  
“I’m okay. It’s alright baby, I’m still here.” He said. His voice was thrashed. There was blood round his mouth and down his chin, and some even dribbled down his bare chest. She helped him to get up again, slowly. He was a little wobbly on his feet, but he was standing with a little help. She lead him to the bathroom and turned the shower on.  
“God! I look like a sack of shit!” He said looking in the mirror as she waited for the shower to heat up.   
“You don't look like shit. You could never look like shit. You do look like you just ate something raw though.” She said, trying to make him laugh. While he didn’t break into hysterics, he cracked a smile and let out an amused huff. That was victory enough.   
He didn’t need to get undressed, as he was still naked from falling out of bed, so she began to walk away to leave him in peace. He grabbed her arm as she went to walk away.   
“Stay. Have a shower with me. Please.”  
“Ok sweetheart” She could never say no to him, especially when he said please, and especially when she was looking into those incredible chocolate eyes.   
They stepped into the shower together, water almost seeming to encase them together. They spent ages in there, slowly washing each other, tracing lines over each others skin and holding each other, cherishing the feel of skin on skin, the warm touch of each other. Outside the sun began to rise on another new day.


	3. 4 months: All together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every one is here now, and something needs to be done before they can go any further

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for comments and kudos. This is hard to write, but therapeutic at the same time. I'm so sorry to anyone who is upset by this, please let me know if I need to add any tags to this as I suck at tagging. ^_^

She pulled up to the house with the car full of Marks friends. Since the coughing fits were getting worse now, on top of the medication and painkillers, Marks doctor had recommended that he did not drive anymore. He had been a bit upset about that, as he lost some of his independence, but she had been more than happy to run errands with him and drive him around.   
With many of his other projects stopping now, he had focused all he had on doing his videos. Even though he was just starting to look sick, getting paler and thinner slightly, he was still soldiering on, and had not yet told the fans. He knew it was, as he put it, ‘a dick move’, but he didn’t want to cause pain to anyone. He had decided to do it this week, with everyone around him for strength.   
She couldn’t argue with him there. It was great having everyone here. Jack had been the first one off his plane. They had sat and talked for two hours over coffee. She could have dropped him off at Marks and came back for Bob and Wade, but Jack had asked if they could stay and wait to they could talk, and he could amp himself up. The other two were going to be here for a week, and then pop back home, ready to jump back on a plane the moment things took a hard turn. Jack was staying, until it was done. He said Ireland was to far to keep hopping over to and from. Mark had put together a pretty nice set up in one of the spare rooms so that he could record while he was here.   
She stopped the car and pulled the keys out. She could sense the hesitation in Bob and Jack to get out of the car. Wade was already closing the door by the time the other two had even unbuckled their seatbelt. It had been a quiet ride over, mostly small talk, but Bob had been the one to broach the subject that was all on their minds.  
“So how is he, honestly? I know how Mark is and he likes to out a brave face on everything. So I want to hear it from you, what is he dealing with right now?” By this point his daily ups and downs had become just part of life, and because of the attitude they were both trying to take, she had not really thought about it that much, or at least tried her best not to show it.  
“Well…” She began swallowing the lump in her throat. “The pain isn’t too bad after the doctor gave him a higher dose of the pain pills. It’s still pretty bad but not unbearable anymore. The coughing comes and goes, and most times now he will cough up blood, but it’s not loads. There are about eight… no… nine different tablets he has to take in various doses through the day, and they have had some pretty wild side effects. His sense of taste isn’t great at the moment, so everything he eats is pretty garlicy so he can taste it. He also gets tired really quick, so he is taking regular naps through the day, and he is drinking lots of energy drinks. He is starting to loose weight faster than I can keep it on him. I’ve been making sure he eats lots, keeping him comfortable and just making his life as easy I can. Oh also he can become a little nauseous from time to time, especially in the evening after his night time meds, so sorry if he keeps anyone up by having to run to the toilet. I guess thats not helping with the weight loss either. I think thats everything…” They boys had been visibly flinching at times while she was talking. But it was best that they knew what to expect. Their looks of shock, or discomfort would only worry Mark, and that was not what he needed right now.  
She lent a hand with Jacks bags, as he had a lot more to carry than Bob and Wade. As they got to the door, it was flung wide open and a smiling Mark stood at the door, arms outstretched in welcome. Looking at him from here you wouldn't think that there was anything wrong at all. He seemed so vibrant and happy. Alive. The closer she got though she could see the now familiar shadows of death on him. He was certainly paler than normal, and his completion was off as well. He also had the gaunt look of some one who had dropped weight a little to fast, skin hanging slightly wrong in places, and his clothes now looked a little baggy on him. Also, something only she would only notice, there was a little corner of a hanky hanging out of his pocket. He kept one on him at all times now just incase he started to cough and he did not want to get mess everywhere.   
Each of them got their own embrace as they approached him at the door and he ushered them in side. When Jack got to him she thought Jack might crush him with the force of the hug he gave Mark. Mark looked a little taken aback for a moment before his face dropped into an understanding smile and he returned the hug, and said a few quiet words of comfort to Jack. As she got to them Jack had let go and was walking in. She only had one bag of Jacks, but Mark still made an attempt to take it off her. She slapped his hand playfully and gave him a pouty face. He laughed.  
“Ok, ok I get it, strong independent woman and all that.” he laughed holding his hands up and backing off comically. She poked her tongue out at him and carried on inside. He came in behind her, spanking her butt as he closed the door behind him.   
“Ow! Dick!” She yelped back at him as she put the bag down, one hand on the offending butt cheek. He entered the room, smiling like a shit, and faced his friends.  
“God it’s so good to have you all here”

There had been a lot of laughter floating through the house today, which made both her and Mark feel better. The only time the laughter had really stopped was during a particularly enthusiastic giggle fit had turned into a coughing fit. It certainly wasn’t as messy as it could be, but she could sense Marks embarrassment and the others awkwardness at not knowing what to do. She helping him to sit and gently rubbed his back, while trying to rekindle conversation with Bob, Wade and Jack. Luckily they took her cue and started lightly conversing rather than paying full attention to Mark.   
After he got his breath back, he quickly dashed to the bathroom to clean himself up, and when he returned, once again he didn’t even look like there was anything wrong.

After many hours of goofing around Mark finally felt it was time to do what he had been putting off for so long. They took a while to set up the recording equipment in the lounge, Mark making sure the lighting and angles were all good and finding a nice way to get everyone sat together. She hovered behind the camera. While making some last adjustments to the lighting Mark turned to her.  
“Well aren’t you going to take a seat hun?” He asked as if it was obvious.  
“Oh. I didn’t know you wanted me to be in this” It was a fair response, she had always tried to avoid being in Mark’s videos, not only because of the small, but not very nice, section of his fan base, but also because it was his thing and she didn't want to encroach on that part of his life. It was his and his alone and she tried not to influence of involve herself in it all that much.  
“Of course I want you in this one. I need you with me, you are keeping me strong baby” He said very quietly to her while taking her hand. Once again she could not ever say no to those eyes. She nodded and sat, before Mark switched on the cameras and took his place in the middle of them all.   
“Ok let me get what I need to say out, because honestly even now I still have no idea how I’m going to say this, and I’m still half tempted to not do it at all. Just…uh… fuck it lets fucking do this.” He took a deep cleansing breath. She watched his posture shift slightly, as he went from being Mark, to Markiplier. There was a change, it was very subtle but it was definitely there. Everyone else in the room was still and looking to camera. She could still only look at him, but made the effort to do it from more from the sides of her vision, rather than staring directly at him.  
“Hey guys…um… as you can see I am joined today buy Jack, Bob, Wade, and some one who you haven’t seen all that much, say hi guys!” He turned and mentioned for everyone to say hello. They all did in their own ways and it was an amusing cluster of hello’s and hi’s. Mark cleared his throat again and looked back to camera  
“So I have something really important to say to you all today, and I have been putting this off, because I know it is going to be upsetting to hear, and I don’t want to make people sad, but at the same time, I know that you guys need to know this, you all deserve it.” He stopped and took another deep breath, and she could notice he was shaking. “ About two months ago I received some very bad news guys. I have cancer. While, of course, I am receiving treatment and I have these guys here looking after me, it does not look good. I uh… I don’t know what else to say to you. I don’t want people to be sad, but I know that some of you out there will be, and thats ok, just make sure that you look after yourself, reach out to each other, look after each other. After all that is what this community is all about, what it has always been about and now more… more than ever, it’s that legacy that I want this channel, this friendship that…we have that means everything to me.”   
His voice was starting to crack up as he spoke and she could see him beginning to tear up. It was an automatic response for her to move closer to him, she shifted her chair closer and took his hand. He looked round at her and smiled. Jack had his hand on Marks shoulder and Bob and Wade stood behind them, Wade standing behind Mark and Jack and Bob had his hand on her shoulder. This was a beautiful moment, she thought, the five of them propping each other up. She was glad this was on camera. She wanted to remember this moment. Mark collected himself and continued.  
“And I do. I know it might seem like I am unreachable and that this has always been a very one way thing, but I do see this as a friendship we have all shared. You guys have been there, with me through everything, every milestone, every down day. I have…loved every, single, second. And I'm not going to stop. Video are going to be here there and every where, but I plan to continue for as long as I can. As long as I can still sit in my chair I will keep recording, because it’s what I love, and I want to keep doing it as long as I can, until… uh…. until the end. But I…” He stopped and put his head in his hands for a moment. He choked back a small sob, before wiping his face and returning to his thought “I…uh, god I am always going to be remembered as that youtuber who cries all the damn time” He laughed “but seriously though, I’m not sad because I am dying, I have always said that I accept the fact I am going to die one day, it’s not that. It’s leaving so much undone, and unsaid. It’s leaving all of you that…that gets me. Because… I don’t want to do that… not yet. So like I said I'm just going to keep going…for as long as I can. But I wanted to take the time to tell you all what is happening, because I owe you all that much at least, and I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for changing my life and making these years the best that any one could ever, ever had hoped for. It’s been the best adventure I could ever have wanted, and I wish I could go back and tell the twenty year old me, that was so lost and didn’t know what he was going to do, how great everything was going to be. So sincerely thank you all.” He beamed at the camera. “Uh, guys do you have anything you want to say?” They all looked at one another, but Wade spoke first and you could hear the sadness in his voice.   
“Um, yeah, I just want to say that obviously we are all… well devastated by this news, as I imagine a few of you are as well, but know that we a re here for you guys to, you can come talk to us too on Facebook, twitter, tumblr, however you want to. I will certainly be going through as much as I can and I am here for you guys too.”  
“Yeah” Bob added “same here and as Mark said just, you know, be good people, look out for one another.”   
“Thanks guys, Jack, anything from you?” Jack seemed to be in on another planet, but Mark saying his name snapped him back to painful reality. He stuttered and hesitated for a moment.  
“Um…uh…yeah. I’m here too. This…has hit all of us like a sack of shit… Just, well, keep being awesome to each other. I’m going to be here in L.A, for the foreseeable future. I’m going to be helping out where I can so yeah… I guess we all just have to find our way of being helpful, and just be safe, and help each other where you can.”   
Mark smiled at Jack before looked back to her, and she gave him the ‘please no’ look. He gave a small nod and turned back to the camera  
“Ok well, thats about all for now. I don’t want to ramble on to long, again. So yeah just be good, love each each other and make the most of what time you have guys, because you never know whats going to happen in the years to come. Just thank you all again, so much. And as always we will see you in the next video. BYE BYE!” He finished enthusiastically. As everyone finished waving, she saw him drop again, back to Mark, and he was tired. That had been hard, very hard for him. She got up and helped him to his feet. He walked over and switched off his equipment before turning to face them all again.  
“Well…Thanks guys. I’m gonna shoot off and edit that. I want to get this up as soon as I can. Babe if I can ask you to be a better host than I am and start getting things ready for later, that would be awesome” He smiled while packing down and grabbing his setup to take it upstairs.   
“Of course I can Markifart. Is there anything that you want for a snack or anything?”  
“Chicken sandwich please babe!” he called as he started up the stairs. Jack grabbed the remainder of Marks equipment and followed him. She could hear them shouting to each other upstairs and laughing. She was happy to hear not just Mark laughing, but Jack as well. He needed this as much, if not more that Mark. After all as much pain and has hard as things were for Mark, it was Jack and everyone else that would be left behind after. She shuddered at that thought and put it away for now. 

That evening the guys from the grumps came round as well. Mark had arranged a small party for everyone. One last get together. Dan and Suzy gave her crushing hugs when she opened the door to them. Arin had the same haunted look that she and Jack shared.   
They all gathered out on the decking, music playing gently and everyone laughing and enjoying themselves. It was obvious that is was clearly an effort for some people, and they would disappear into the house for a few minutes and compose them selves and then come back out. No one wanted to miss this evening, but it was hard. She was one of those people. She kept as positive as she could, but as hard as it was for everyone else, it was worse for her, because she didn't have to keep it together for one evening. She had to keep it up day after day and it was wearing on her now. She slipped off, while Mark was busy talking animatedly to the group.  
She walked upstairs to their room and booted up her laptop. She wanted to see the video herself. Mark had worked hard to get it up as fast as he could and it was, for the most part, unedited other than the small chunk at the beginning and him walking over to turn off the camera at the end. She shook with grief as she watched it, and ended up trailing down into the comments. The outpouring of grief was astounding. So many people, clearly devastated at the news, offering support to one another, leaving tributes, long stories of the help that Mark had given them over the years. Some people were still asking if it was a joke. She sympathised with them. She wished it was. One comment jumped out at her though. It was some one obviously being a troll.   
‘about time. thank fuck for that, youtube will finally be free of your shit’  
The replies on it were full of fury and a tonne of swearing. She felt anger and bile rise in her too. As much as this was obviously some one just trying to get a rise out of people, it stung her. How dare they. Hate was hate, and it was always going to happen, but this was more serious than that. Why anyone would be that mean she didn't understand. She cried even harder, and she didn’t hear the door open. A soft hand on her shoulder made her gasp. It was Jack. It was obviously too much for him as well.  
“Hey are you ok?”  
“I…I guess not. It just…got a bit much for me down there. I needed a break. Plus I wanted to see this” She motioned towards the video, still playing on screen behind her.   
“Yeah. I get it. It’s hard to keep smiling sometimes. I know it’s what Mark wants. I know pre-grieving isn’t doing any one any good. But I just can’t shake these thoughts. I don't want them to ruin the time we have left.” Jack said, his eyes on the screen, filling with silent tears. They sat for a moment together, and gave each other a hug. Having Jack here was going to be a godsend. She had someone to have these small moments with, when it got to much.   
“Come on then.” He said eventually “Lets get back to it”


	4. 3 months: Decline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark is trying to juggle everything, rushing against the impending time limit over his head. Something has got to give

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is a little short. It's more of an interim chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. This has been an experience to write, and I promise that the next Fic will be more light hearted.  
> Comments and kudos are super appreciated ^_^

The fan response had been overwhelming. Videos, pictures, long posts on tumblr, all expressing a myriad of emotions. Mark had been moved to tears a number of times. He was spending a lot of time recording now. He wanted to get as much as he could done and down. Jack was, as she had predicted, a godsend. Not only was he recording his own stuff, but he was helping Mark to edit and doing a lot of colabs with him, to help him keep his energy up. She did not know where Jack had found his well of strength and energy from, but right now he was keeping them both afloat. He was company for Mark while she was running errands, and a shoulder for her when it all got to much. She would never e able to express how thankful she was to Jack for everything.   
But Marks decline was more and more obvious each day. The coughing was bad now, and meant that a lot of editing needed to e done on everything he recorded at the moment. He was so skinny now, his usual muscular frame almost gone. She had brought him new clothes that would fit him better, but he still insisted on wearing some of his older clothes from time to time. When he wasn’t recording he was sleeping. He was going to work himself into the ground at this rate.  
This came to a head about three weeks after Bob and Wade had left. He had worked solidly for the entire time. He shuffled out from his room, looking exhausted she was coming out of the bathroom at the other end of the hall. He hadn’t realised that she was there. He stumbled and fell near the top of the stairs. She shot forward calling out to him. When she got to him he was unconscious, but still breathing.   
“JACK! JACK HELP ME!” She cried out. There was a small scrambling noise from the guest room and Jack came bursting out. He rushed over to her, instantly checking Marks pulse.  
“He’s ok, he’s alive. He collapsed. Jack we have got to talk to him. He is going to work himself to death. I know how much he wants to keep going, but there has to be a limit” she sniffed. Jack nodded in agreement.  
“For now lets get him into the bedroom and on his bed. We can sort everything out from there” Jacks accent was heavy with stress. Picking Mark up was not an issue between them. They got him onto the bed with ease, and she ran to get him a cold flannel for his forehead and made sure that there was a glass of water and a cereal bar on the bedside table next to them when he woke up.   
“I’m ok Jack, I can take it from here. I know you were busy. Plus like I said I need to talk to Mark when he comes round.”  
“Ok. Well give me a shout if you need me. Also I was thinking that it might be a good idea if we went out and did something tonight. That might help to distract him. Obviously something low impact, like going to the cinema or something. Just something nice, and normal.”  
“I think thats a great idea Jack. I’ll mention it to him.” She smiled.   
“Cool. Ok, well I’ll see ya in a while then. Like I said call me if you need me, or if he wakes up in a stubborn mood!” he laughed as he left the room. He knew Mark all to well, and he had a terrible habit of digging his heels in, especially when it came to his work. He had already have to stop so much, she felt awful telling him to now lay off with the channel, it was all he had left. But she could not watch him do this to himself anymore.   
He began to stir about half an hour later. He began to cough and she helped him to sit and rubbed his back soothingly. Once he gained his breath back and wiped his chin, he turned to her.  
“Wha…ugh…what happened? I remember coming out of our room, did I pass out?”  
“Yes honey, yes you did. Look we need to talk baby. I’m worried about you. I know how desperate you are to get as much as you can done, but you are killing yourself. It hurts me to see you like this. All you do is work and sleep. It’s not good for you. You’re exhausted, look at you. I know that you’re heart is in the right place, but you need to take it easy.” She pleaded. He sat quietly for a few moments. She still had her hand on his shoulder, and she could feel that he was a little shaky. The silence stretched out for a full minute before he got up and headed towards his recording set up.  
“Mark did you not just hear me say…”  
“Yes I heard you!” He shouted wheeling round to her and stumbling a little in the process. “I heard you and I don’t understand why you would even say that to me! This is all I am, this is all I have left! I have lived for this, and if I have to die for it then so be it. I made a promise, do you understand, a promise to every one that I would keep going as long as I can. I can’t just give in. There are people out there who depend on me and I can’t let them down. I am going to let them down soon anyway, I have to do this. I have to make the most of the time I have left!” She sat in horror on the bed. She was stunned that he was this angry at her.  
“Mark I know, I know how important the channel and your fans are to you, but what about you? You can't keep this pace up. Also what about me? What about Jack. We’re both here for you, we want to be around you as much as we can, we want to make the most of our time too, our time with you. You’re pulling away from me and it hurts Mark. I can handle you dying, well I can’t, but it’s easier than you rejecting me, or replacing me. I love you. I love you so much, and the thought that I am not going to be able to hold you any more, to wake up to you hurts me. But its already happening. You are up before I am to work, I don’t wake up to you anymore. You are either at your desk or asleep, I barely see you anymore. It’s hurting me baby, really hurting.” She sobbed at him.  
He put his head in his hands and dragged his fingers through his hair. He let out a stressed growl and kicked his headphones across the room.   
“Don’t you understand I was doing this for you too? If I'm not there, then you can’t see me degrade. I don't want you to have to watch me die, but I don't have the strength to leave or send you away. I can’t. Just knowing you are here is comfort for me. I watch you sleeping and I just… I want more time, and seeing you makes that hurt even more, because as much as I want more time with my friends and family, as much as I want more time with my fans and to work on new and cool things, the main thing that has been stolen from me is my time with you. I want more. I can’t have it. That hurts both of us. So I was just…I was trying to make the best of it, by using the time to at least do something right. To keep my word. because it’s them I am abandoning too. I just feel like shit, not just because I'm sick, but because I feel like…I failed… I'm letting everyone down.” He sunk onto the bed. He wasn’t crying. He must, by this point be cried out. He didn’t even look sad. He looked done. Her blood ran cold. He was loosing his fight. That was not a good sign. She ran over to him and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tighter than she ever had. She had been very gentle with him recently, he was so thin that she didn’t want to hurt him.   
“Don’t say that! you haven’t let any one down. Every one is proud of you. So proud. I'm so proud of you. But please don’t pull away. Please. I need you. I want you. I want to spend every moment I can with you. Don’t think you are sheltering me from anything. I see you, everyday I see you. I know. I know what it is you are going through and don't think you have to protect me from it. You can’t do this alone Mark. Please…please… please… don’t. Don’t give up on me. Not yet. I’m… I'm not ready. I love you” she murmured into his neck as she held him. He slowly entangled his arms with hers and hugged back, as tight as he could. They clung to each other like this for ages, Mark whispering in her ear the same thing over and over.  
“Ok. It’s ok. I'm sorry. I love you”

That night they did all go out to the movies. It was a nice night. The film had been fun, and Mark looked a little brighter. Leaving the house to go some where other than the clinic had obviously done him good. She was glad that he had listened to her. He was going to change his schedule to a video every other day. He would do a blog about it. Everyone would understand.   
Jack playfully side stepped ahead of them a little as he talked about the film. He had really enjoyed it and was talking passionately about his favourite bits. Mark even had a spring in his step as he kept up with Jack, talking and laughing together. It was lovely to watch. Jack was so good at bringing the best out of Mark. Again she would never be able to make that up to him. She took a picture of the two of them laughing. It was probably one of the best pictures she had even seen. Mark looked so alive, eyes creased with joy, head back slightly and hands across his chest holding himself up from laughing so much. She turned to phone to the boys and they giggled.  
“Creeper!” Jack chuckled giving her a playful push on the arm. Mark chuckled and stood in front of her.  
“Hands off my woman, you potato loving nerd!” he boomed, followed by a few small coughs. He recovered quickly and went back to joking with Jack as they walked across the parking lot towards the car. It had been a nice evening.


	5. 2 months: Crash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a crash from downstairs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry...

The following couple of weeks went by in a daze. Things were better in some respects, but worse in others. Mark had kept to his word and decreased his work load and had been spending lots of time with her and Jack. The grumps guys were over a lot as well. At the end of the month, just before Mark reached the ‘one more month’ prediction Wade, Bob, Thomas and Mark’s mother were coming over. Originally Mark had wanted to go home, to Cincinnati, but the traveling was going to be too much, plus all his treatment notes were here. So they had all agreed to come here instead. There had been so much to do. Mark had helped where he can, but that mostly ended with Jack and her yelling at him to take it easy. He needed to.  
While mentally he was less exhausted and stressed, and no longer alienating himself, physically he was slipping away. She watched, helpless as he wasted away in front of her. But he, as a person was still there, and that was something. He was on even heavier medication now, that was keeping the worst of the pain at bay. He just wanted to enjoy what were going to be his last few months.  
They had a serious conversation the night after his meds had been upped. It had been a hard day and Mark was looking weary.  
“When I go…” He had started from no where. She had tried to give him the look of ‘we’re not talking like that’ but he held his hand up to silence her protests before they had begun.  
“I’m serious babe. When I’m gone there is a folder on my computer. I know you don’t want to talk about this. To be honest, I don’t either. So I left a few things for you in there. Just my wishes, funeral stuff, a few personal messages. Can you…can you handle that for me?” He asked eyes pleading. His eyes. No matter how he looked now his eyes were still the same, deep, brown, loving, hypnotising. Mark’s. She nodded transfixed. She never could say no to those eyes.

It was a Wednesday morning. Ten twenty. Mark’s friends and family would be here in a week. The house was finally ready. She had just come out of the shower and was towel drying her hair. From Jack’s room she could hear him howl with laughter at something he was recording. She smiled at his screeching laughter and rapid speech. She actually stopped and listened to him through the door. She was giggling softly as he cursed and laughed at whatever was going on in the game. From downstairs she heard a groan of pain. Her ears immediately turned to the sound, instantly blocking out Jack. Silence. Ten twenty two  
CRASH  
The sound of breaking glass and something hitting the floor with a thud. She took off towards the stairs, bashing Jacks door to alert him as she went. She took the stairs in leaps. Ten twenty three  
Rounding into the kitchen she felt all the air left her lungs. Mark was on the floor, a broken glass water next to where he had fell. His body was jerking awkwardly, his eyes were fluttering open and shut. He sounded like he was drowning. She could see blood dribbling out of his mouth. She crossed the floor in a few short bounds and skidded to the floor at his side. She lifted him up, trying to make it easier for him to breathe. She gripped his hand, and spoke gently to him, trying to comfort him. His breaths were raspy and she could see panic in his eyes. Jack arrived in the door way and the colour left his face.  
“Ambulance” She said to Jack, eyes conveying the seriousness of the situation. Neither of them had seen him like this. Jack nodded, not knowing how to move for a moment. He dug his hand into his pocket and started talking rapidly on the phone. He faded into the background as she looked back down on Mark. His breathing was laboured, but calmer then it had been. The jerking had subsided, but not stopped. He was trembling in her arms.  
“Baby…” His voice barely a whisper. “I’m glad… you are here”  
“Shh, shh Mark… don’t talk, save your breath. I’m here it’s going to be ok”  
“No…not this time…fuck…so much…so much left…to say… out of time”  
“No baby… no you’re going to be alright. Just rest… help is coming.”  
“Too late… Jack?”  
“JACK GET HERE NOW!”  
“Wha..?” Jack answered he walked over legs like jelly, the phone at his side as he saw hear tears, and Marks. He knelt.  
“I…I’m so..rry. Jack… you take care…of her…and you. Baby?” His eyes unfocused.  
“I’m here baby, I’m here” She sobbed. His eyes searched for her, but it was like he couldn't see her anymore. She put her free hand on his face and guided it to her a little. His eyes finally snapped on hers. Suddenly they were clear again. Mark’s eyes, clear, brown, beautiful.  
“I love you…so much.” It was barley a whisper.  
His eyes unfocused.  
He was still.  
Jack was shouting.  
His eyes were not his any more.  
Jack was screaming.  
Why did his eyes look so different?  
Jack was shaking him  
They were missing something  
From miles away she could hear her name being called  
Mark…?  
Mark…  
He was gone. Ten thirty two

She had sat with his head on her lap for nearly half an hour before the ambulance had arrived. She had gently wiped the blood off his chin, and tidied his hair. Jack had been talking to her. She didn’t respond. She couldn't remember how. Jack did not matter right now. She could hear him sob, but she couldn’t quite rouse herself out of whatever state she was in in. She just wanted to be here, staring at Mark. Taking him in. Memorising every line, every freckle. There was the ghost of something like a smile on his face. His eyes. She could not stop her self from returning to his eyes. They were her favourite part of him, but now they didn’t look like Mark’s eyes anymore. The light had gone from behind them. So that is what it had been that was so wonderful about them, and now it was gone, just as she had put her finger on it.  
She felt hands on her shoulder. Strange voices. Some one was trying to lift her. There was some one else at Marks side. The hands were lifting her away  
No, she thought, this is not where she wanted to be. She began to struggle, not sure if she was shouting or if her voice was just in her head. The hands were firm and kept pulling her further away. The stranger at Mark’s side reached up to his face to close his eyes. She lost it.  
“NO, NO, NO, NO! NOT HIS EYES, LEAVE THEM ALONE, DON’T…DON’T CLOSE THEM. JUST LET ME GO. LET ME SEE THEM ONE MORE TIME! LET ME GO! LETMEGOLETMEGOLETMEGO!” She screamed thrashing out in every direction.  
Familiar arms, a familiar smell.  
Jack.  
“Shh… I’ve got you. He’s gone…they have to take him. He’s gone hun…he’s gone.” Jacks voice shook with grief, accent heavy. He held her tight. He spoke to the ambulance crew. She just sobbed. She cried and cried, she couldn’t breathe she cried so hard.  
“MARK!” She screamed as they took him away. No answer.  
A sad smile. Words of condolence from the ambulance crew.  
Nothing.  
Empty.  
Jack.  
She felt like she was going to spiral off the earth.  
Mark wasn’t there to hold her down any more.  
Jack.  
Jack talking.  
She couldn't hear him properly.  
She slowly removed herself from his arms. He was still talking, crying. But she couldn’t hear him.  
Her feet were moving on their own. She walked like a zombie through the house. It didn’t feel right anymore. The heart of the home had been ripped out of it. What was left was a hollow husk. Hollow, like her.  
She found herself at his desk. She logged in to his computer. The folder. It was right there on his desktop, clearly labelled with her name. His desktop picture was a smiling picture of Her, Jack, Bob, Wade and Tom that his mother had taken on his birthday, when they had all gone on a trip to Cincinnati for a party in celebration. Stood next to her smiling was Mark. Alive. Mark. She had the sudden urge to punch the computer screen, like she could break the screen and fall back into the photo. To get Mark back. To hold him one more time. Just once.  
She shook the urge off and opened the folder. There were video files in there, all labeled.  
For youtube (Title ‘goodbye” please upload asap)  
For Mom <3  
For Other mom :)  
For Thomas m- - m  
For Bob :D  
For Wade XD  
For Jack x x x…. XD  
For the grump conglomerate :P  
For you X <3 X  
Her eyes hung on the last one. She was not ready yet. But she would watch it.  
Jack was there. next to her. She hadn’t even noticed.  
“Jack…Can you do me a favour?” her voice croaked and cracked  
“Anything” He said quietly.  
“Make the calls. I…I can’t. I have all their numbers. Use my phone. I just can’t.” He nodded and took her phone. She hated having to leave this grim job to him, but she could not bear to do it herself. She could barley form sentences at the moment. Jack was still reasonably together, all things considered. He was in shock, and that was allowing him to function. She envied him.  
She felt hollow, but not in the numb shock that Jack was in. She felt full force of the loss. On auto pilot, she uploaded the video. Five minute render time. She used that time to dig the thumbnail Mark had prepared for the video, edit, and annotate the the best she could, and add a description. He hadn’t left instruction on the description. She wrote out what she felt.  
“It is with deepest sorrow that I have to announce Mark “Markiplier” Edward Ficshbach, passed away this morning in his home in Los Angles. He was not alone, he had friends with him. He passed after a short battle with cancer. This video was left by him to be uploaded on the event of his passing. My heart goes out to all of you. No words can begin to describe the sadness we feel here. We ask that you are respectful to family and friends in this difficult time.”  
She read and re-read it a few times. It was enough. Everything that really needed to be there was.  
Once the video was done rendering, she waited for Jack to return. The last thing she wanted was for any one close to Mark find out via youtube that their friend was dead.  
The silence settled over the room. She wandered over to the bed. His boxers were off to the side of the bed, where he had shucked them when he got up. Little shit, he never did learn where the wash bin was. She picked them up, then put them back down. There was no point. He wasn’t here to beat him with them, and he wasn’t going to need them to be washed. She went to his dresser and picked out the lucky flannel. She laid on his pillow and wrapped herself in hid shirt. She cried. She cried for him, for his loss, for the pain he suffered, for all the time that was taken from them. She couldn’t stop.  
Half an hour later Jack arrived in the room. His eyes were red. He gave her a nod and then laid down next to her. Her put his arm around her and they cried together. Jacks functional shock was obviously over. She wanted to know what was said but it could wait.  
After about ten minutes she got up, remembering the video. Jack followed her limply to the computer. She sat and clicked the finalise button, and the video was up. She went to his channel home screen and clicked on it. She wanted to watch it with everyone, feel their pain with them. Jack stood behind her.  
“Hello everybody, My name is Mark Edward Ficshbach and if you are watching this, it means that I am already gone.” This was recorded awhile ago when he still looked fairly healthy. Seeing him there made something twist deep in her. That urge to punch the monitor was creeping back again.  
“I won’t say don’t be sad, or don’t cry for me, because thats a stupid thing to say. Grief is natural and it has to happen for people to heal. Just please, I beg you, do not let it consume you, because it can, I know it can. Instead I want you guys to remember the good times. The laughs we shared, the stories we experienced together and the good that we have all done together. That is what I want to leave behind for you all. If I can pick anything to leave with you all, it’s that even now I still believe in you all. You all together had the power to change my life, and you can do so much more together. So please don’t loose sight of that. Stay together, keep doing good, for each other and for the world. I love you all. Thank you for everything you have done for me, for being there with me, until the very end. This channel will stay up, my videos are my legacy and I want them to continue to be, hopefully, enjoyed for many years to come. I guess thats is. I really don’t have much more to say than that. I mean I could ramble on for hours, but I don’t want to make every one more sad.  
So thank you again everyone so, so, so much for watching and while I will not see you in the next video this time, know that you were in my thoughts, right till the end. Take care. I love you all. Buh-bye!” The screen faded, and cut to a montage backed by Every things all right. She cursed him under her breath. Trust him to pick a heart wrenching song. Pictures from when Mark was young, videos of him in marching band, footage from his early attempts at sketch comedy, then clip after clip of funny, poignant and scary moments from his lets plays. There was his whole life laid out before them. Laughing with friends, pole dancing, crying at milestones, waxing himself, challenge videos, hot sauce drinking, fnaf, singing. All laid out for everyone, a nice way to round it all off. She watched trembling, Jacks hand on her shoulder weak and she could hear him sniffing behind her. The last shot was a slow clip of him, waving slowly at the screen, smiling, healthy, obviously from an old outro. The music faded, along with the video. She was just about to click off the video when…  
“BOO!!! Hahahaha one last jump scare! I’m sorry I couldn’t help it. See you guys!” and at that the video ended. Jack was behind her cursing, holding his chest. She was shaken with shock.  
“You FUCKER!” She shouted. Laughter bubbled up from her. Right when she thought she might never laugh again, she was laughing. He had made her laugh one last time. Jack was laughing behind her. They laughed together hysterically, relishing feeling something other than pain. They laughed and laughed. There were tears rolling down their face by the time they had finished. For a moment it felt like Mark was still there with them.  
He always did have the last laugh.


	6. 1 month: Owed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now Mark was gone how was she going to go on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hold my hands up and admit I'm a sadist and it was really mean of me to move it to the month before, But thats how things work sometimes. I have cried a lot writing this, but I'm really warmed by every comment that I've seen, you all have been so nice. It's nearly done now, and I'm already thinking ahead to the next project. If anyone has any prompts or ideas, please leave a comment. Thank you all again so much ^_^

The house was crowded. Mark’s mom and Brother were staying here, and Jack was still here, and now joined by Signe. Bob, Wade, Mandy, Molly, Tyler and at least one if not more of the grumps had been here everyday since. Felix and Marzia had been up a few times and Ken had got into town the day before and had very briefly stopped by. With all these people around, the house was a buzzing with activity. But she had never felt so alone. Every time the door opened she expected him to be walking in. Every time she was crushed all over again.   
There had been an odd mixture of laughter and tears over the last few days. People laughing and joking about memories with him, mixed with the morning of his passing. She couldn’t even bring herself to think of his name when she was in company. She had spent the days since in a kind of numb half existence, going to bed each night only to finally let go and cry until she was exhausted. It was the only way to get to sleep, because once she was asleep she dreamed, and her dreams were nothing short of hellish. Living that day over, and over again. Looking into Mark’s dead eyes over and over. She would wake each morning covered in sweat and shaking. She would shower and turn herself off ready to face the day.   
Her and Mark’s mom had talked a lot over the weeks leading up to the funeral. Between them they had done the majority of the planning, per the instructions that Mark had left for his mom on his video to her. She was glad that he had left his instructions there. She had not watched her video yet, and had been praying that his last wishes were not in there. His mom seemed to be in the same place that she was. Numb.   
Thomas was a very quiet person, but had been so lovely to everyone he spoke to. He was glad to see so many people there for his brother. She had never met Tom before, and had soon grown to see why Mark always thought so highly of his brother. But she could not spend huge amounts of time around him. He reminded her too much of Mark. When he had first arrived, she had opened the door to him and his mom. She had nearly passed out when she was face to face with those strikingly similar deep brown eyes. She hoped that he understood.

It was the day of the funeral. She had dressed in a simple black dress and a pink jacket over the top. Everyone had to have something pink on. She was sure Mark would have found it very funny to see everyone in vibrant pink. Jack had gone all out and had his hair dyed pink, replacing his now trademark green.   
The cars pulled up outside, and everyone at the house shuffled into the black limousine. She had the strange feeling like she was underwater again. This made it so real, so final. She was not sure if she was even ready to say goodbye yet. Even now that small part of her brain, that had initially rebelled against the idea that he was even sick, was still battling against her, convinced still that it wasn’t really happening. She felt sick. Her heart was pounding. She held tightly to the bouquet of pink roses she had in her hand, to stop them from shaking. Signe had an arm round her. Tom sat opposite, quiet and lost in thought, trying to remain composed. Mark’s mom was gently weeping into a tissue, with Toms hand on her knee. Jack looked a little overwhelmed. The drive to the church was agonisingly slow.   
Outside the church they were greeted by an extraordinary sight. Thousands of people were there. There were banners, flowers, balloons. It was crazy. This was the arrangement that they had made though. Lots of people were grieving and needed their chance to say goodbye. It was only going to be friends and family inside the church, but they had made arrangements so people could be outside. To say goodbye. She had never dreamed that this many people would be here. There must have been people from all over the country here. She smiled at that. This, this Mark would have loved to see.   
The car pulled to a stop. Getting out. That was the next task of the day. She did not realise how hard this was going to be, just getting out. The door was opened by the driver and they all slowly got out. The noise from the crowd was quite loud, but she was happy to hear and see that everyone here was being respectful. Drama was the last thing that everyone needed today. She joined Singe and Mark’s mom as they walked in, leaving Jack and Tom outside with Wade and Bob to await the hearse. She did not want to be there when it arrived.   
They took their seats at the front. There were flowers everywhere. Beautiful arrangements of lilies, pink and red roses, and her favourite were the two at the front. A bright pink moustache and a lovingly recreated tiny box tim all in flowers. Her hands were still shaking. She took slow and deep breaths. She just had to get through this. Just this and the burial. Three hours tops. Then she could go home and fall apart all over again.   
The music began to play, signalling that the service was starting. She couldn’t breathe. Everyone stood and she very shakily got to her feet. She was terrified to turn around. She knew what was behind her. She had refused to go to the funeral home, because she did not want to see him like that. Now she had no choice. She felt dizzy. There was black around the outside of her field of vision. Some how she stayed upright. She turned her head to the side. Level with her was Jack, bearing a beautiful dark wood coffin on his left shoulder.   
Time stopped.  
There was no air in here.  
She could hear crying all around her.   
She was crying.  
No she was sobbing.  
No she was nearly screaming.  
She could feel her pulse in her face.  
Hands again. Soft hands. Danny, who had been in the row behind her, softly brought her back to her seat. His hand remained on her shoulder.   
Once the coffin was set, the boys came and took their places. It was only then she realised how alone she was again. Jack had Signe, Bob and Mandy, Wade and Molly, Tom and his mom. She was very grateful for Danny’s hand on her shoulder.

Most people were gone now. The wake had been at Mark’s… no…. what was now her house. She had been sat with Jack, Wade Bob and their partners for most of it. They had also stayed behind to help her to clean. Now the last few people were leaving, and she felt very tired.   
Jack and Signe were staying on for another week. Mark’s mother and Brother were leaving the day after tomorrow. Very soon she would be alone in this house. She was not looking forward to that. Her family was in town, and would be for some time to come. They would be there for her. She had friends to. They would be there. But Mark wouldn’t.   
She very slowly dragged her feet upstairs. She didn't even feel like crying anymore. She had cried so much that she was now beyond it. She entered the bedroom. Everything was still the same. The boxers were still there on the floor. She noticed that the computer had been left on. Apparently his habits were rubbing off on her.   
She sat in his chair for at least twenty minutes before opening the folder on his desktop. Her hand hovered over the mouse button as she stared at the video file on screen. Now was the right time. She couldn’t feel any sadder than she did right now, so she might as well watch it now. With a small hesitation she clicked the file. A video window popped up of where she was now sat, and there he was. Unlike the video that had gone to youtube, where he had been looking lively and happy, the ‘Markiplier’ persona very much in place, this one did not. This was Mark, and he had a sad smile on his face.  
“Hello my love. If your watching this, then I'm gone. I am so, so sorry I have done this to you. It’s hurt me to put you through this so far, and I know it only gets worse from here. But I hope that we still have happy times, all the way to the end. Because you make me happy. I hope I told you that enough, that you make me so fucking happy…just…god. How do you say what words can’t? I love you so damn much, and I know how you are feeling right now. I feel cheated. Like the time we were owed has been robbed. I wanted to grow old with you, have a family, a life. But I do have something left to give you. Look under the desk. There is a little draw with a code lock on it. The code is our anniversary. Pause me here a sec.” She did so and looked down to find the draw. With shaking hands she span the code lock on it to the right number. With a click it came open. Inside was a box. On top was a sticky note with Mark’s messy handwriting on it. ‘Press play’. She Clicked on the file again.   
“Ok, you have the box now? I wanted to do this because we have been robbed of the chance to ever do it for real, and right now, as I’m recording this, you look so stressed and sad that I don’t want to put anything more on you now. I have no idea how you are now. I hope that you are ok. I know you, and I know you would not watch this immediately. Any way, I’m rambling now, again, I always ramble. Sweetheart I need you to open the box, slowly” She opened it with tears almost blocking her vision, and she could barely breathe. In the box was a beautiful, very simple ring. It was white gold, with a pink sapphire. Simple, elegant, and beautiful. Her eyes returned to the screen. Her eyes met Marks. It was like he knew, like he was there watching her, because he was just smiling at the screen, eyes brimming with tears.  
“Baby the worst thing this disease has taken from me is moments like this. So I wanted to give you this at least. If I were there now, I would ask you to marry me. But I can’t. That breaks my heart. But I want you to have this ring. I was out buying it when the clinic called me. I wasn’t at the gym. I didn’t want to take it back, because it meant to much. It felt I was giving up on us.   
I don’t mind if you don't wear it. Just please keep it with you. Remember me. Remember the good times. I pray that you will forget about these times. I don't want these awful months to be the culmination of all we were.   
Also, and this is going to sound insane to you right now, but in years to come I hope you find happiness again. I don’t like the thought of it either, but I hate the idea of you being alone and sad and missing me for however long you live. So never feel guilty. I want happiness for you.   
I don’t know if there is anything after this life. I don't know if I have done anything that would mean that I was going anywhere special when I'm gone, but whatever it is, if there is anything other than this, what is here right now, I will wait for you there. I love you, god I love you. so much.” His voice cracked and he away.  
“I don’t…I… I don’t want to stop recording. I want to keep talking to you, but I have n-no idea what to say! It’s j-just that…the thought of you sat here alone…kills me. I want to stay and talk, but that is not going t-to change anything. I could be here for two hours and it doesn’t change anything.   
I-I just want to say I love you. I love you so damn much. I will until I die. If there is anything beyond that, then it will be for longer.   
And if there is any way that I can look over you, I will. I will be dicking around in the background as much as I can be” He huffed out a laugh, followed by a cough. “Please be good to yourself. stay in touch with Jack and the guys. They will be there for you. I love you baby. Goodbye”.  
The video ended on his sad smile again. She stared at him, his eyes, those lines she had memorised so well. Her eyes dropped to the ring. She put it on her wedding finger. It fit perfectly. She would never take it off. She knew Mark would want her to move on, but honestly, in her heart she had no idea how anyone could ever step into his shoes. He was everything she could ever had wanted.   
She watched the video, over and over, until the words were sounds. This was the last piece of Mark she had. She studied it. All his little moments, the way she fidgeted, the way his eyes flicked. Had she ever noticed these little moments before, did she ever tell him how much she enjoyed listening to him talk, how he moved his hands when he spoke?  
She eventually climbed into bed, wrapping herself once again in the lucky flannel and crying herself to sleep.


	7. Epilogue: One year on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year on, and mending a heart has taken time. But true love can never really die can it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so happy with the end of this. I have loved writing this so much (as much of a rollercoaster as it has been). Thank you to everyone for reading and enjoying this. I am so grateful to everyone who has taken the time to give this a read. I think the ending is much happier and has a very positive message in there, buried under my terrible writing :P. If you have any questions, or prompts for what I should do next, please leave a comment below. I try to answer all of them ^_^. Thank you again, and enjoy the final chapter of Dragon!!!!!

Thank you all so much for joining us today. We don’t have the final numbers yet, but I’m pretty sure that we have raised a butt tonne of money for this live stream, which is awesome. Also thank you to all of you for getting so behind this charity. This is what Mark would have wanted, it was always something really really important to him, and it’s important to us too.” Jack smiled into the camera. She sat opposite, with Bob and Wade either side. Twelve hours is a long time to be sat, and as much fun as she had today, she was now eager for the end so she could get up and stretch her legs. Bob and Wade were adding their final thoughts. The first stream for the Markiplier foundation was nearly done, and she was so happy that it had happened. It was her idea. She remembered him talking about it in a very old blog, long before she had met him. It was a good legacy to leave.  
“Any last thoughts before we leave?” Jack asked looking at her.  
She drew a deep breath. She had tried to stay away from talking about emotional stuff for the majority of the stream. To be fair Jack had done the majority of the talking. While it was her idea, Jack had very much taken point on the whole idea.  
“Uh…yeah… well, I think Jack has said most of it, but either way thank you all so much for joining us today, for being here, spreading the word, and having fun with us today. Mark lived for things like this, and I’m sure he would have loved to see this, because it’s not just about charity. It’s about community, all of us coming together and having fun with friends. So thank you, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart thank you. Thank you for keeping Mark’s dreams alive, and remembering him in the best way possible, by helping others and keeping the spirit of his channel alive.” She finished, wiping a few tears away. These were happy tears though. Because what she said was true. Mark, in some sense, was still here as long as they all worked together to keep his dreams alive.

It was late. Bob and Wade had left to go to their hotel. Jack and Signe shared the house with her now. Jack had been toying with the idea of moving to America for years now, and after she was left the house, she had offered them both to stay as long as they wanted. It had turned into a permanent arrangement pretty quickly. She was happy they were both here.  
She was happy in general. There were still bad days sometimes. Sometimes she would rematch the last video over and over again, of go through old playlists on his channel. She had kept a box of his things in the bedroom closet, and would sometimes pick through them, looking for any traces of him. But in general she felt more at peace now. Though she never took the ring off anymore. She didn’t think she ever would.  
Jack was sat on the couch with Signe. It had only been recently they had began to be cuddly around her. She hated the fact that they had refrained from this for so long for her benefit. That was never what she would have wanted, but she appreciated the thought none the less. She guessed that they did not want to remind her of the fact that she no long had that. But she was ok now, for the most part.  
Jack was squealing with laughter at the T.V and Signe was rolling her eyes. They were so buzzed from the stream that they could not sleep just yet. She was laid across the couch opposite them also laughing, more at Jack than the T.V. It felt good to laugh again.  
Life had to go on. Mark would not have wanted anything other than that for her. 

She lay in bed finally, exhausted and elated after the day she had. The lucky flannel was still beside her. It had become a habit now. It no longer smelt like him, but it was just comfort having it here now.  
She still had no idea how she felt about the whole idea of an after life. She had never been totally convinced one way or the other, but Mark’s passing had made her think about it a lot. Where ever he was, it was going to be some where nice. She thought of him being happy in that place often. That gave her comfort, but not as much as the thought that one day, in that lovely place she would find him there, waiting for her, whole again, all smiles and sunshine, just like they had been on holiday from each other for a while. She was in no rush to get there though. She had to earn her way in first, and if she quit now she may not have done enough.  
So she waited here, keeping him alive in the form of his dreams, his goals, what he wanted to do for others. His passion was always one his best qualities. That was why she had loved his eyes so much, because in them was all the fire of his passions. As long as his passion was still alive, not only in the hearts of people like her and Jack and his friends, but in all his fans as well, he was never truly gone anyway.  
There were no tears that night. Just a good sleep and a hope for a new day.


End file.
